Paul Cockayne - Relationship Counsellor

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paul_Cockayne@hotmail.com
For more information about me go to http://www.paulcockayne.counselling.co.uk/

They say that opposites attract and it’s true that often we choose a partner who is different from us in important ways. Some people like to talk, others prefer to listen. Two talkers in a relationship might fight to get a word in edgeways – two listeners might spend their evenings sitting in silence. While such clashes are not necessarily terminal for a relationship, a couple is likely to “fit” better if a talker and a listener pair up.

But this too can lead to problems. Over time, the listener may allow the talker to fill the silences more and more. The talker, rejoicing in the space they have, may fill it eagerly. And eventually, that may go too far – the talker may be heard to say “all you do is sit in silence, I’m doing all the work!” and the listener might think (but maybe not say) “I can never get a word in edgeways”.

Counselling can help by enabling couples to identify this sort of pattern and hence to change it. Typically, that change requires effort by both parties to change their natural tendencies so that a better balance – perhaps the balance that existed at the sart of the relationship – can be found.

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paul_Cockayne@hotmail.com
More more information about me go to http://www.paulcockayne.counselling.co.uk/

Opposites attract, they say, and there’s a lot of truth in that – if we are a good listener, we are likely to get on with people who do more talking, and vice versa. And so naturally, in social situations, and in private, one of the couple will often do more of the talking than the other.

There is no problem with this, except that often, with time, our natural roles become exaggerated – the listener talks less and less, the talker listens less and less. And then there can be a problem – suddenly the listener is feeling “I can never get a word in edgeways” and the talker is feeling “I’m doing all the work here”. It can even be that this natural pattern becomes a way for the couple to avoid difficult subjects of conversation.

Counselling can help, first by identifying the pattern, and then by changing it. A counsellor can observe what is happening and help the couple to change by asking the talker to be quiet for a while, and encouraging the listener to speak up.