Paul Cockayne - Relationship Counsellor

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paulcockayne3@gmail.com

For more information about me click on a link on the right

We show our emotions in different ways.  Some people are very demonstrative – crying easily, shouting when angry, very bouncy when happy.  Others are more restrained, preferring to deal with their emotions internally, going quiet and perhaps withdrawing if they are upset.

Just as we show emotions differently, we also deal with our partner’s emotions differently.  Some of us are undisturbed by raised voices, others are fearful.  Some are comfortable with silence, while others feel very rejected by a quiet partner.  Some of us are content to let our partners “cry it out” while others feel a need to stop the tears as soon as possible.

The way we show emotions, and the way we deal with them, are most likely to b be learnt behaviours, dating back to our childhood and how our parents dealt with emotions then. 

It can be helpful, in counselling, to understand the origins of our behaviours and understand what might make them difficult for our partner to deal with.  With that understanding, can come the ability to adapt our behaviours to improve our relationship.

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paul_Cockayne@hotmail.com
For more information about me go to http://www.paulcockayne.counselling.co.uk/

It is worth starting off by saying what counselling is not. It is not psychoanalysis – there is no lying on couches, I do not speak with a strange Austrian accent, and I will not come out with psychobabble or weird theories about you wanting to kill your father and marry your mother – or the other way round.

Counselling is quite a practical sort of help, focussing on what you want to talk about in a way that makes sense to you. That can involve talking about your history, including your childhood, because experiences we have as kids can influence how we are today. But if there are things you prefer not to talk about, we won’t talk about them. Very often in couple counselling we will focus on the present rather than on the past, working on the interaction between you as a couple, seeking to improve communication between you.

There are no magic answers in relationships. In successful relationships couples listen to each other, understand each other, and are prepared to negotiate and find “win-win” solutions. Counselling can help you to do that, not by giving you the answers, but by helping you to communicate more effectively.