Paul Cockayne - Relationship Counsellor

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paulcockayne3@gmail.com
For more information about me click on a link on the right

Some people come into counselling under duress – persuaded by their partner that it is worth trying, not convinced it has any value. A client recently told me that she had only come to counselling to “shut her partner up” and was expecting that after a couple of sessions she would be able to convince him that it wasn’t working, and that they should stop.

However, when she finished counselling she said that her view had changed. She said that by the end of the second session she was finding that having an environment where she could talk about things was a great relief for her – that she had never felt able to do that before. She realised that she had not been able to relax and be herself with her partner and that the “act” she forced herself to put on 24 hours a day was immensely stressful for her. She said that it had become her who encouraged her partner to come for counselling, rather than the other way around.

Her feelings are not uncommon – so if you are sceptical about counselling, it’s maybe worth just giving it a chance, and seeing what happens?

Paul Cockayne – 07791 970406 – paulcockayne3@gmail.com

For more information about me click on a link on the right

We show our emotions in different ways.  Some people are very demonstrative – crying easily, shouting when angry, very bouncy when happy.  Others are more restrained, preferring to deal with their emotions internally, going quiet and perhaps withdrawing if they are upset.

Just as we show emotions differently, we also deal with our partner’s emotions differently.  Some of us are undisturbed by raised voices, others are fearful.  Some are comfortable with silence, while others feel very rejected by a quiet partner.  Some of us are content to let our partners “cry it out” while others feel a need to stop the tears as soon as possible.

The way we show emotions, and the way we deal with them, are most likely to b be learnt behaviours, dating back to our childhood and how our parents dealt with emotions then. 

It can be helpful, in counselling, to understand the origins of our behaviours and understand what might make them difficult for our partner to deal with.  With that understanding, can come the ability to adapt our behaviours to improve our relationship.